Beautiful Conversation

I believe in the power of conversation.  I believe in dialogue that stimulates our intellects, challenges our viewpoints, and moves us forward.  I believe in debate that can be uncomfortable and even end in disagreement.  But most importantly, I believe a world without conversation is a world without progress.  Thus, consequential conversations that prioritize progress must be encouraged and embraced.  

I have come to call these exchanges ‘beautiful conversation’.  Not beautiful in the attractive or delightful sense, but in that they create environments where excellence is possible, and progress thrives.  Beautiful conversation is not perfect.  That’s the point.  It is the willingness to be imperfect that leads to growth.  And it is the growth that makes the conversation beautiful. 

So, what are the guiding principles of a beautiful conversation?

Beautiful conversation welcomes diversity of thought, experience, and perspective.  Without curiosity, questioning, and dissenting opinions from sincere opponents we have no way to separate the good ideas from the bad.  And good ideas are exceptionally helpful when it comes to progress. 

Beautiful conversation requires standing firm and calling out fallacious positions, but it also embraces intellectual humility and the changing of one’s mind when proven wrong.  That’s not an easy ask.  Therefore, beautiful conversation must prioritize curiosity over judgment, respect over contempt, and understanding over sanctimony. 

Beautiful conversation involves risk.  Your ideas will be exposed to criticism.  You will be vulnerable.  You could even be wrong.  Which forces collaborators to choose courage over pragmatism.  In response, this courage must be met with charity; participants should strive to see the best in one another until proven otherwise. 

Beautiful conversation demands critical thinking and rationality.  Authenticity is vital whether delivering an opinion or receiving one.  Ideally, opposing positions are represented so accurately, your partner will wish they stated it that way in the first place.   

Unfortunately, the characteristics of a well-prepared participant are not consistent with default human settings.  Humans tend to be emotional, irrational, and innately rely on simple heuristics that often lead to superficial judgements.  However, we can, and must, overcome these design flaws.  We must find equanimity.  We must be empathetic.  Beautiful conversation is less concerned with what we discuss, and more concerned with how we discuss it. 

Creating environments where progress prospers certainly takes commitment.  It also requires a little bravery.  But it is in these environments where we find our way forward.  A short personal anecdote may help illustrate my point….

Years ago, a boisterous Palestinian protest formed outside my apartment complex.  Traffic was being blocked.  Vehicles were being accosted.  Israeli flags were being stomped on.  I was immediately curious and somewhat embarrassed by my complete lack of understanding so I walked down to the event, carefully avoiding the flag stompers, and made my way towards a few composed folks standing in the back.        

I was a young white man approaching a group of adult Palestinian protestors assuming we had very little in common.  What I found was they welcomed me and my rudimentary questions.  In fact, they thanked me for my curiosity.  They shared enlightening perspectives, spoke of family members in Palestine, and explained why they thought Americans should act.  They also emphasized Zionist points they agreed with, condemned the actions and rhetoric of Hamas, and sympathized with the plight of the Jewish people.  They held many thoughts in their minds at once, grappled with the complexity of the situation, and embraced nuance. 

I have gone on to have countless conversations of similar consequence over the years.  I still occasionally enter conversations believing I have very little common ground to cover.  I am always wrong.  Regardless of the subject matter, commonality is always present because humanity is always present.  There will always be a path to a beautiful conversation if two parties are committed to finding it.  A lesson I learned on a hot afternoon at a Palestinian protest. 

We must be willing to take on complexity and nuance. We must resist the urge to be reductive or performative.  We must create space where respectful opposition is encouraged.  Progress demands we seek out ways to win with people that do not look like us or think like us. 

Uncomfortable, messy, charitable, rational conversations are best described with one word; BEAUTIFUL.  Join engaged individuals in beautiful conversation.  Be disciplined.  See the best in one another.  Stay kind and brave. 

Beautiful conversation certainly will not solve problems on its own, but it is a giant first step in the right direction.  The direction of progress.